My Testimony

I would like to begin by saying that the following is completely God’s story and not my own. I am merely a vessel that God has formed, repaired, and filled in His perfect timing. I was born with two churchgoing parents here in Oklahoma, yet I was not raised a Christian. My parents had met and married in their church, but ceased attending once they started having children. When I was seven my family and I moved from the Bible Belt to the Rockies to a little ski town called Crested Butte in Colorado, where my sister and I had a seemingly perfect childhood filled with skiing and other mountain adventures, but not God. The seven years I had lived there, I didn’t personally know a single person that professed to be a Christian. I felt absolutely no pressure or desire to follow a God that may or may not care about me or may or may not even exist. I remember thinking to myself, “My life is good, real good. Why would I need a God?”
Then came the recession of 2008. Most of the locals now struggled to make ends meet in our tiny town, including my family. Like many others, we ended up moving to a state with a more hospitable economy. For us, that meant moving back to Oklahoma. It was during this transition that my parents grew thirsty for God’s word again, reminding them of His provision and His promises. I was therefore enrolled in a private Christian school against my will upon our return. I had no desire to be around Christians that would make it their duty to save me, and the fact that these students would be Christian was a bit intimidating. But to my relief, all of my teachers and classmates automatically assumed that I was a believer, which again gave me no pressure to become one. It took three years of Christian friendships, Bible classes, and chapel services until I really felt convicted that there was a God out there and that I needed a Savior. One day a trip to the bathroom during class found me knocking on my principal’s office door asking her to pray with me. I immediately told my peers despite the fact that I had evaded the truth from them all throughout high school and they received me with open arms rather than the judgment that I had so desperately feared.
My parents’ dry season with God may have came once they started a family, but mine came once I started college. Being the only one of my friends to come to OU, I once again had no Christian friends or influence much like my life in Colorado. It was during my sophomore year of college that my mom passed away from cancer. I tried leaning on God through this difficult time, but I was consumed with grief trying to handle the weight of the situation on my own which resulted in months of severe anxiety attacks. It got to the point where I considered dropping out of school and I became more and more welcoming to the idea of just not waking up in the morning. My life was spent in grief, my strength failed because of my iniquity, and my bones were consumed. I would often wander out in my pasture bowed down and brought low, literally falling to my knees and crying out to God. It was during these times that I actually started to feel His sweet embrace for the first time. I knew without a doubt that He was hearing my cries. He was no longer just the God that saved me, but a God that actually desired to be close to brokenhearted like me as both a Father and a Friend. It was then that an actual relationship with God began to form, a relationship I continue to nurture to this day. I trusted God, and I was helped. I sought God, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. He rescued me when I was crushed in spirit, and what was once a broken vessel is now a cup that is constantly overflowing. God had not been trying some sort of experiment on my faith or love in order to find out their quality, He knew it already. It was I who didn’t. I now strive to give God all of the glory due unto His name. There is no way I could ever accomplish this in the span of a single lifetime, but an eternity spent with Him in worship might get me close.

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