to be in love

Wowie wow wow, it truly has been a hot minute since I have written a blog post on here…I’ve still been journaling from time to time, but not much has been made public on my end outside of the occasional Instagram post. My initial reaction as a type 2 enneagram is to apologize to you all for this inconvenience that may or may not exist in my head, but there actually isn’t anything wrong with this lol.

Speaking of the enneagram, I’m feeling really called to shower some encouragement to those that, along with myself, are in the feeling-based type camp (shout out type 2’s, 3’s, and 4’s). These types emphasize the heart for positive and negative feelings, empathy and concern for others, romance, and devotion (also known as the Emotional Center). Body-based types (1’s, 8’s, 9’s) and thinking-based types (5’s, 6’s, 7’s) may also get something outta this, as I also don’t believe in putting a person in a box solely based on their enneagram number, so please don’t let your type keep you from gleaning from this.

I won’t really need to explain this to other feeling-based types, but we just REALLY FEEL ALL THE FEELINGS. This can be so so amazing as it really allows us to love our people so dang well and to truly sympathize with other people’s struggles, but it can also be so extremely damaging if those same feelings are redirected back towards US in a negative way. It’s easy to love others unconditionally, but it’s not always as easy to love ourselves. Self-love can at times be nonexistent, and not being in love with someone else can also feel like you are just straight up unworthy of being wanted or loved (type 2’s greatest fear, y’all lol).

People that haven’t known me as long could be kinda confused as to where I’m coming from with this, but people that have known me longer will know that I’ve had to learn these lessons the HARD way. Through my mother’s passing, being straight up furious with God in my past, and experiencing relationships that either confused abuse with love or had love being left unreciprocated.

If I have learned anything from my past experiences, I’ve learned that true joy is not actually hinged on something as fleeting as earthly circumstance. Someone will do this, someone will say that, it truly keeps going y’all. As much as we want to control our feelings or predict what is going down at all times, we just weren’t created that way (and for dang good reason). Because of this, it is positively vital to be vulnerable with God as a friend and ask Him, “Hey, I need some stability. Can you direct me to what that looks like?”

Asking this won’t magically take all of life’s questionable variables and allow them to fall perfectly in place in your lap, but it is the first step to having Him lift the veil to what can, or already is, a constant in your life. For me, I was reminded that my basic desire as a type two to be in love and to feel all the feelings in a safe space can be my reality today, tomorrow, and everyday after that if only I redirect just a smidge of love back to the One that loves me without condition.

So, before you start kicking yourself for always feeling all the feelings and wearing your heart on your sleeve only to get burned, remember that we serve a God that ALSO FEELS ALL THE FEELINGS ALL THE TIME. Whether that was Him angrily turning tables, grieving in His heart after creating mankind, or loving us so much to the point of willingly dying a man’s death for us, He truly has experienced all of the feelings.

His love is ancient, and we truly don’t need something new. Before the beginning of time, you’ve been fully His, and He’s been fully yours. We were created to be sustained by Him, and when we forget to turn to Him for our strength, we become hungry, weak, and confused as to why we don’t feel loved. I feel like Proverbs 14:13 explains this confusing compilation of feelings perfectly,

“Even in laughter the heart may ache, and feelings of joy end up in grief and mourning…”

So, to close, what is your love doing to you? Are you stronger in the midst of it, or do you feel more vulnerable, weak, or maybe even desperate? In the biblical view, love only makes us stronger. We are all already well loved, well cared for, adored by the One who knows us best, and secure in His acceptance, love, affirmation, and purpose. If one day you end up being with someone else who can help you grow in and share that love that is already being perfectly administered to you, that’s security and not desperation. It is not wrong to wanna feel all the feelings alongside someone else that’s tangible, and it’s also not wrong to feel all the feelings with just you and your Creator. Just know that at the end of the day, either way you are already feeling all those feelings and can already be in love with someone else.

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