A week without make up - August 27, 2017

Hey guys, so I know to some of you this blog wont mean much, but for others I know this is something we struggle with, and many people don’t talk about this issue.

Since I have turned 30 I have noticed some changes. I gained weight, my skin is changing, I become fatigued easily. All these factors have made me obsessed with the way I look. I find myself talking about it, saying negative things and spending every waking hour feeling like a disgusting, ugly, fat human being. I have tried to see myself though Gods eyes, people have told me I am beautiful, but I just cant see it. Besides who is going to tell you you are a fat ugly pig? The truth is I needed a break from all of this and I did not know how to see myself like Gods sees me.

Last Sunday as I prayed God said: Rachael, don’t wear make up for a week. Now let me take a minute to take you back 3 months ago when God asked me not to wear make up for a day.

I was at Kairos in Gateway church learning about Gods freedom. I was in the hotel room putting on make up, and God said: Stop, don’t put that on today. In my mind this is a ridiculous thing to ask. Please understand I knew 100% that I was hearing God, I just thought he had lost his mind for a second. I proceeded to put on the make up, because dang it, I am in Dallas Tx; these girls dress up to go to an outhouse. So you know I want to bring my A game.

I went to the service but could not pay attention. I was so mad at God. How could you ask me to not wear make up? Don’t you know I need it to look and feel good? I agreed to take it off at lunch but was throwing a full on tantrum at this point.  I was so mad I just wanted to go to this event for healing and I could not focus because God dared to ask me to not wear make up (maybe this should have been a clue I needed healing). I take off the make up, and boom God begins to speak to me. I know I have a problem with my identity and how I should look, but I tell him: not right now, lets work on it later. He says ok and I have a great weekend learning and growing.

Well guess what? This week was now that time to work on this! So when I heard God say that he did not want me to wear make up, and I saw how hard I was struggling with my image, I knew it was him. I did not argue; i did not fight. I recruited friends to pray for me as I went on this very scary journey of not wearing make up.

Here is what happened. Nothing. No one looked at me with disgust. No one called me names or dropped dead from the shock of my hideous no-makeup face. Really, no one even noticed. I got a few comments, all from other women: looks like your tired or were to lazy to do your make up today. But that was about all.

The two things I learned:

1. I actually was able to see myself for who I really am. I really did not look that bad without make up. I did not feel as fat. I actually could see myself again. Letting go and letting God step in helped me to develop a plan of action to lose weight and take the attention off of how I feel and do something about it. I also did not gain or lose friends. I guess I always felt that men or friends would not like you if you did not look a certain way. However, this is not true. As an adult your friends like you for you not how you look.

2. Girls we are the problem. Do you know how many times I have been told by other women things like: this looks bad you should do this. Why are you not doing this? You would look better if you did this? Girls we have to stop this. Just stop it. I’ve been told I was too skinny. So I began working out, then I was told I look like a man. I was dressing too tom boyish, then too fancy. I was not wearing enough make up, then too much. There is no winning with women. They always see a fault in you. I am guilty of this too. We have to stop; we are destroying each other. Honestly, I used to wear a lot of make up, then one day a guy friend saw me without it and said I looked so much better without it. See, our friends say we need to look one way, but men actually don’t like it. My past boyfriends always like the features in me that I hated about myself.

To wrap it up. Girls just be you. Do what you like and what makes you feel pretty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You will never look good to everyone and everyone will tell you something different. We need to stop harassing people on their looks because it leaves lasting effects.

Do you know when I was a kid I made fun of my brother about this hairy chest for so long and so hard that till this day he will not swim without a shirt? I feel awful, and I cant take it back because I created that wound.

And lastly we are so beautiful in Gods eyes. It is not about our look; they fade. I love to dress up and put on make up. I find it fun to match eye shadows and lip stick. But it became an obsession to me and I no longer enjoyed it. God gave me my freedom back to wear make up for fun or choose not to wear it and be ok with that too.

So i guess you could say I learned a lot